


Being Alive

by PrismaChris



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi fic based off my fav song from it, Btw I wrote this all in my iPhone notes and then copy pasted it, But he tries for sonny, Canon-Typical Violence, I'm Raúl Esparza trash, M/M, Rafael is not good at the whole dating thing, Sonny not knowing he's living with Rafael, also, amd more!, and I loved him in company so, and Sonny just tries in general, bad marriage proposal, bless his heart, sleepy confessions of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrismaChris/pseuds/PrismaChris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Somebody, hold me too close,<br/>Somebody, hurt me too deep,<br/>Somebody, sit in my chair<br/>And ruin my sleep<br/>And make me aware<br/>Of being alive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Listen.....idk. But I love Raúl, barisi and making fics at 11 at night so here. Enjoy.

There were 4 knocks at Rafael's office door in a beat-"Dundundun...dun"- and Rafael knew who it was even before Sonny opened the door and stuck his head through.  
"Hiya, counselor." Sonny had a big grin on his face. Rafael's chest compressed, just for a moment. They've been dating for a few months, and Sonny still did that to Rafael.  
Ridiculous, Rafael thought.  
"Detective," he said neutrally, placing his paper work on his desk. Sonny walked into the room, shutting the door.  
"Okay, so, you know how I promised we could go out tonight, since I get out of work at 6?"  
Rafael glanced at his watch. It was 5:36. Rafael was getting at at 8, and he and Sonny were supposed to go out for dinner.  
"Yes?"  
Sonny winced, and walked towards Rafael, wrapping his arms around Rafael's waist. "Uh, well, Amanda hadda go home, Jessie got a really bad cold, so-"  
"So you offered yourself up for overtime." It wasn't a question.  
"Yes?"  
Rafael sighed.  
"I'm sorry," Sonny apologized, looking more sorry than was needed. He held Rafael tighter, and kissed him softly. Rafael kissed back, of course, but when he pulled back, he lightly pushed Sonny away. He was at work, he has to at least pretend to be professional. Sonny looked shocked and upset, and Rafael knew he was thinking Rafael was mad, so Rafael quickly said, "It's fine, Jesus, stop looking so down, Carisi."  
Sonny gave a small apologetic smile as Rafael said, "Just come over my place when you're done, okay? We'll order out." Rafael cupped Sonny's cheek briefly before dropping his hand.  
Sonny's smile got bigger, and then suggestively.  
"And then sexy times, eh?" He gripped Rafael's waist again.  
This was the man Rafael choose to date.  
"Down boy," Rafael said dryly.  
Sonny laughed, and kissed Rafael again. After their first kiss, it seemed that Sonny's favorite hobby was doing just that. Oh to be young, Rafael thought.  
"Hm, now let go," Rafael told him after a admittedly too long time kissing in his office, slipping out of his grip. "I have a meeting with Brooklyn's ADA in 10 minutes."  
Rafael would rather continue to make out with Sonny in his office- hell, he would rather make out with Rollins-than have to have a meeting with Brooklyn's ADA, the prick. Sonny did let go, briefly kissing Rafael's cheek, whispering, "I'll see you later," in Rafael's ear before bounding off.  
Watching him walk out- and say goodbye to Carmen on the way out, probably- Rafael really wished he didn't have that meeting.  
Oh well.  
(Later, Rafael would find out Sonny was so upset because he planned to say 'I love you' for the first time over that dinner. Rafael thought the first I love you over cheap and greasy Chinese food was equally nice) __________________

Rafael got a call from Liv at 12 pm.  
He was, admittedly, not sleeping well-Sonny has been sleeping over almost ever night for the past month, and Rafael has found himself unable to sleep without him, and wasn't that funny? But Sonny was out patrolling at a probably serial rapist's house, so Rafael was alone-when the call happened. Rafael, eyes still closed, went towards his bedside table, stumbling for his phone.  
"Whoever this is, you better have a good reason for calling." He grumbled once answering it.  
Sleep on Friday night, is that too much to ask for?  
"Barba," Liv's voice was soft, and concerned, something she usually used to apologize to victims.  
That woke him up a bit. "What is it, Liv?"  
"Carisi, he-" Liv stopped, and for a moment, so did Rafael's heart. "Sonny got shot. It was a freak situation, one of the victims got in through the back, he heard shots so he rang in, she got scared-"  
"Where is he?" Was the only thing Rafael said, though thoughts like, 'is he okay?' 'How could you let this happen?' 'Why are you calling me?' The last one because no one actually knew they were a thing.  
"He's at Lincoln, I can pick you up on the way-"  
"Wait, Liv, how serious is it?" Rafael realized he should ask this question, as he got out of bed and headed towards his closet. He had a flitting thought about Dodds.  
"It's...he got shot in the abdomen. There's a lot of blood." Liv paused. "He told me to call you."  
So that answered one of his questions.  
"How far away are you?"  
Rafael briefly wished he had a car.  
"I'll be there in 5." Liv told him.  
Rafael didn't say anything, and he continued to not say anything until they were at the hospital, with Fin and Rollins, who stood up when they saw him.  
"Liv, Barba, hey," Rollins greeted softly.  
"How is he? Have you heard anything?"  
Rollins glanced at Fin, who said somberly, "Carisi is O positive, so he doesn't have a lot of options and all for blood transfusion." He frowned. "Doc says it doesn't look good, bullet hit his liver or something. He wouldn't tell us anything more, we're not family."  
Rafael's legs felt heavy, like he walked all the way to the hospital, and his chest heavy. He wanted to scream that he was Sonny's family, that someone had to tell him how he is, but he wasn't, not really. He's only Sonny's boyfriend, someone he hasn't even been dating for a year.  
Liv grabbed his arm, leading him to a chair.  
Rafael thought of the last time he saw Sonny; he was leaving his office at 9, and Sonny somehow talked him into an impromptu make out session in the backseat of Sonny's car before he had to leave for patrol at 9:30. Fixing Sonny's tie, Rafael whispered into his ear, "I love you,"  
Sonny had grinned, and said it back. It wasn't the first time they had said that. It might be the last.  
Rafael felt like he might be sick.  
"Did you call his sisters?" Rafael asked, and in any other situation he would have been embarrassed how hoarse his voice was.  
Rolling shook her head. "We don't have their numbers, and his emergency contact..." She glanced at Liv, who finished for her, "He said he put you as it. I've got Tucker looking into his files to get his sisters number. He'll call them."  
Rafael gave a choked out laugh, because of course Sonny would write Rafael in as his emergency contact 11 months in.  
Rollins patted his back. "He's going to be fine."  
"You can't know that, so please don't lie to me, Rollins." Rafael put his hands over his face, leaning in his chair. He silently prayed to anyone or thing that was listening to make sure Sonny was okay.  
"How long have you and Sonny been, you know..." Rollins voice broke his silent-and, frankly, desperate- pleading. He didn't look up. "Almost a year," he answered quietly.  
"Wow. You know, he's been looking at you with stars in his eyes since day one. Good for him, finally snagging you," Rollins told Rafael. "How'd it happen?"  
Rafael looked up, giving a watery smile. He knew what she was doing, trying to take his mind off Sonny's shooting by thinking happier memories.  
She was a good person.  
"Sonny was in my office, telling me about him passing the bar; telling me how he couldn't do it without me helping him." Rafael shook his head, aware that he was telling very personal things to his colleagues- but they were his friends, too, weren't they? And it did take his mind off the situation, a little. "He was very...sweet. And beautiful." Rafael closed his eyes, remembering the heart warming earnest way Sonny had looked at him. Blue eyes looking at Rafael while pink lips curved to a smile. "So I kissed him." Like we were in some sort of HBO movie, Rafael did not say.  
Rollins and Liv gave small smiles, as did, surprisingly, Fin.  
"Is anyone here the family of Dominick Carisi?" everyone looked up to the newcomer in the walkway, a doctor. Rafael's heart felt like it stopped. He wanted to say he was, but he's not, even though he felt like it. Thankfully, Rollins, Fin, and Liv looked at him. The doctor locked eyes with Rafael, who gave a shaky nod. Okay...  
"How is he?"  
The doctor gave a small smile. "He's out of the woods,".  
"Gracias a Dios," Rafael sighed in relief.  
"The bullet skimmed his liver, breaking the skin and nearly puncturing it. There was a lot of blood loss, and the surgery was complicated, but successful."  
"When can I see him?" Rafael asked, aware that he sounded pitiful.  
"You can see him now, but he's asleep-" Rafael stood up at 'now', clear in his intention that he had to see Sonny now.  
The doctor nodded, understanding.  
Small blessings.

__________________

Sonny was not moved into Rafael's apartment. The fact that he had most of his clothes there, his laptop and charger, his phone charger, almost all his books, there was an extra toothbrush there for him, and that Sonny slept over almost 4 or 5 times out of 7 nights a week might have disproved that statement, but to Sonny's mind, he was absolutely not moved in.  
He wanted to fix that; he just needed to talk to Rafael about it.  
Once Rafael came to his own apartment.  
Which Sonny has been in for since 6, trying to plan a way to say 'hey, do you think we should move in together? Officially?'  
Rafael said he should be home, at most, 8.  
It's 8:10.  
Sonny, in Rafael's reclining chair, took his phone out to text Rafael where he was, when he heard keys from the hallway. "Sonny?" Rafael's voice came from the door before the recognizable sound of a shut door.  
"Yeah," Sonny called out, putting his phone back in his pocket. Rafael places his brief case at the kitchen/dining room table, managing to strip off his jacket, vest, and loosing his tie by the time his got to the living room.  
Once Rafael spotted Sonny, he stopped and said, "You're in my chair," the again was unsaid but heard neither less. Sonny grinned.  
"C'mere," he said, hand out for Rafael to take, which he did. Sonny easily pulled Rafael on his lap.  
"I'm too old for this, Sonny." Rafael complained, but complied.  
Sonny snorted. "Okay, sure, grandpa." He leaned down to kiss his boyfriend of 2 years, who gave a 'humpf' before complying.  
That kissed lazily for a while, both of them enjoying each other's company and touch.  
"I love you," Sonny sighed against Rafael lips. "Like, a lotta." He buried his face in Rafael's neck, breathing him in.  
"Good," Rafael kissed the top of Sonny's head as Sonny unbuttoned the top of Rafael's shirt. "I love you too."  
"I wanna move in with you," Sonny muttered into Rafael's collar bone before kissing it. Well. No time like the present.  
Rafael, who was running his hand through Sonny's product free hair, paused. "Aren't you already?"  
Sonny frowned. "No; I still got my apartment."  
"Sonny," Rafael pulled away and gave him a look that he usually only gave to idiots on trial. "You only go to that place on Sunday nights, almost everything but your furniture is here, and you have claimed my chair as your own." Rafsel sighed, trying to sound put upon. "You live with me."  
Sonny gave a lazy grin. "I'll get rid of the apartment."

__________________

"Hey...Rafe...Rafael?"  
"Sonny, unless our home is on fire, I need you to shut up." Rafael muttered into his pillow. Sonny was spooning him, and whispering in his ear sleepily, even though it couldn't have been more than 3 am in the morning.  
"It's not that, but it's important," Sonny countered. Rafael groaned, turning over to face him.  
"What? Why do you want to ruin my sleep?" Rafael opened his eyes, only to glare.  
"We've been together 3 years," Sonny started.  
"Yes, and thank you for waking me up to remind me of that." Rafael cut in, because even though he's tired, that doesn't mean he can't be an ass.  
"Be quiet," Sonny pinched Rafael's thigh, effectively silencing him. "I just woke up and thought 'I've been with this man for 3 years' and I needed to tell you, it has been the best years of my life. Seriously. I love you so freakin' much, and it's not getting any less- if anythin' it's growing'," Sonny slipped his leg between Rafael's, snuggling to get closer. "Just-I'm really glad you kissed me in your office that day."  
Rafael closed his eyes again. "I usually would say something just as meaningful, but it's early, and I'm tired." He kissed Sonny on the side of the mouth. "I'm glad I kissed you that day, too. I'm glad you're in my life." Opening one eye, Rafael gave a sly grin. "And I'm glad your going to let me sleep so we can have amazing morning sex later."  
Sonny laughed loudly, and gave Rafael a squeeze. "Uh huh, you got it, counselor." He kissed Rafael briefly in the mouth before moving so his face was in the crook of Rafael's neck. "Night."  
"Good night, Sonny."  
"I mean, technically it's morn-"  
"Shut up." 

__________________

"You ever think 'bout marriage?"  
Rafael barely paused doing his tie. "To you, or in general?"  
"General. Me. Both?" Rafael looked at Sonny from the hotel bathroom mirror, and then looked at Sonny by glancing next to him. He marveled that Sonny still managed to keep a straight face and do his hair while a deep pink.  
"Are you proposing to me while we get dressed for Liv's wedding?"  
Sonny did a sort of wince-shrug combo. "Maybe?"  
"And I thought you were supposed to be the romantic one." Rafael said before realizing he shouldn't. His boyfriend of 5 years did just propose to him, no matter how badly done. "Sorry," Rafael apologized.  
A pause.  
"Yes," Rafael said, done fixing his tie and now moving on to Sonny's. "I do think of marriage- a marriage with you." Rafael unnecessary explained.  
"That was a really bad proposal," Sonny chastised himself with an apologetic smile. "Can I try again?"  
Rafael snorted, dropping his hands. "Now?"  
"No time like the present."  
Rafael rolled his eyes and waved his hand as if to say, 'the floor is yours.'  
"Okay," Sonny said seriously, dropping to one knee.  
Oh. That made it way more serious. "Rafael Barba," Sonny grabbed Rafael's hands. "I love you. It feels like I also had loved you. I knew from the moment we met- even when you were such an ass to me, but hey, not much has changed-"  
Ah, there was the humor.  
"I knew that you were special. Brilliant. That you were going to be important in my life, that you would make me change for the better, and make me feel alive in a way I didn't know was possible. But I do know you feel the same way." Sonny took a deep breath, and Rafael felt like he needed one too. "So, will you marry me?"  
"Yes," Rafael breathed-well choked- out because he was crying now. No tears, but his voice felt right and he had to blink a few times to see. Who know he would get so emotional during a proposal.  
According to Sonny's grin, he did.  
"Frickin' awesome."  
And Rafael had to laugh, because only Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr would respond to an agreement of marriage with that.  
God, Rafael loved him.


End file.
